There was a moment in time when I was a SERIOUS people-pleaser. In other words, I was co-dependent. What is co-dependency you ask? Well, I’m glad you asked. According to Psychology Today, co-dependency is “.. supporting others in their dysfunction at your own peril, at a cost to yourself.”
There was no better example of co-dependency in my life than my fervor to support my family financially. I worked tirelessly and endlessly in order to make sure that our bills got paid on time and that my family had what they needed. But there was one problem, I WAS THE ONLY ONE TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE FINANCES OF OUR HOME. I was married at the time and my husband fell ill. His illness consumed his life and it ended up taking his life.
Being the sole provider of my home was very challenging and I had to learn to fend for myself in all areas of my life. I didn’t feel capable, so I began to seek out resources that would help me navigate through this new season of my life. The very first resource that I considered a game-changer is a book called, “Boundaries”. If you’ve not yet read it, do yourself a favor and get it today. Click on the link below to take you directly to Amazon where you can purchase the book. http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1460396882&sr=8-1&keywords=boundaries
I learned so many things through this book. The most important thing I learned was the ABILITY TO SAY NO TO PEOPLE AND/OR THINGS. I understood that my voice, like other people’s voices, MATTERS. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter, but most importantly; I matter.
I had to take a very close look at the people around me and to check their motivations and intentions for being my friend. I had to ask myself and ask of them to give me the reason why they wanted to be my friend. What did they hope to GAIN from me? What did THEY get out of being close to me?
Now, you may or may not agree with my methods in seeking out friendships, and that’s okay. What I do know, is that by being THAT honest with myself and that honest with my close circle, really helped me to learn about myself and others. I learned that there were people in my close circle that were only there to watch me fall. There were others that made themselves feel better by criticizing me and my life, choices, and I learned that there were those who GENUINELY AND SINCERELY LOVED ME. After all that analysis, I found that those people were my sons, my extended family, Liliana Garcia, Veronica Alaniz, and Jeannette Rubalcado, to be exact.
I’m grateful I sat myself down and analyzed friendships and relationships. I’m grateful that I asked those questions and got to the answers, even though truth hurt sometimes. But I’m most grateful that I am now better able to discern people and their intentions.
I titled this blog, “The Power of the Other” simply because that is the name of the book that I’m reading now. I encourage you to preorder it and dive deep into it. I’ve included a freebie that I really feel like you will enjoy. The Power of the Other. This book will break down the different types of connections in order to help you determine which connections are healthy and which are unhealthy for you.
No matter what, and IF WE ARE DOING LIFE RIGHT, WE ALL NEED EACH OTHER at one point or another. You are not in control of that; however you do have a say so in who to place your trust in during your moment of need.